On Being Single and Happy

Single. Who's single? I know that might sound like a weird question, but the word 'single' seems to be regarded with such negativity. Why is that? Maybe people fear the thought of being alone. Well, I have news for you! Being alone does not have to be a bad thing! Hopefully my experiences will let you in to the secret of being single and happy.

I’ve been single for about 9 months now. I know that may not seem like a long time, as I know many people who have been single for longer. You also might be thinking, “What does a 21-year old know about being single?” Trust me, age has nothing to do with it. I can only speak about experiences that I have endured and growth that I have sustained. With that being said, I do this in hopes that my experiences will be the basis of a breakthrough for just one woman.

I was in an unhealthy relationship for 2 years. You've probably heard the saying, 'love is blind'. Unfortunately, for me it was. Over the course of the relationship I began to overlook its downward spiral. With God's grace, I finally began to take a look at the relationship and decided to call it quits. I had my own battles to overcome. Leaving this relationship caused me to start questioning my worth, crying myself to sleep, you name it. It took a lot of self-care and support from others to get back to the better version of myself again. Break ups are never easy, and they’re not supposed to be. I was so used to being in a relationship, and I was so used to having someone there, that one day I realized that I didn’t know how to be alone.

Once I became single, I had to figure out how to navigate without a significant other at my side. Now, don’t get confused. Just because you don’t have a lover or a partner anymore, doesn’t mean that you don’t have anyone! That is the key. When you are single, surround yourself with love.

Family and friends are essential. I know it sounds cliché, but it’s true! I don’t know where I’d be if I didn’t have my friends to pick me up after I fell. I needed to be happy again. I realized that I could no longer rely on a relationship to bring me happiness. Always remember that you cannot rely on a relationship to bring you happiness.

True happiness comes from within, and the minute you give one person the power to control your happiness, you've lost. I had to learn this the hard way. While hard times build character, I'd rather not see anyone else have to learn this the same way. Being single is supposed to be a time to focus on yourself. Singleness is where you prioritize your growth.

Don't think that this article is telling you not to be sad after a breakup. Emotional responses are inevitable. I am saying that you have to know that being single is okay! It’s a part of life. When you enter the stage of being sad, just remind yourself that it is time to upgrade.

So, in your singleness, discover yourself! Figure out what you like to do. Find a new hobby. Figure out what makes you happy! Personally, I started to read and write more. I found it helpful to write about my pain, while reading books that uplifted me. Being single should not feel like the end of the world. I promise that there are more single women out there than you think, so never feel like you're alone. Someone who is meant for you will ALWAYS be for you, so be patient. Focus on yourself. Remember that there will be days where you randomly get sad, or question why you’re single. Notice these feelings, feel them, and then move forward. The single journey is not stagnant. You will have one of those gloomy days and that’s okay. Just remember that you are the source of your own happiness. Your next partner is supposed to add to that happiness. First, you need to be complete on your own.

So, be single, find your true self, and live your best life!

Tips on How to Get Through a Break-Up

1. Write down your feelings if you’re not comfortable talking. Never hold them in.

2. Be surrounded by people you love. They will uplift you and remind you how much of a queen you are.

3. Keep yourself busy and find a hobby.

4. Listen to uplifting podcasts.

5. Follow inspirational pages on social media platforms.

6. Remembering that it is OKAY to cry.

7. Speak positive affirmations every day.

-Naiya Dalce